Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
