Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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