Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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