Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
