sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
