Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We just shotgunned beers for America
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
