I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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