In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this boner is exhausting
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
