my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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