My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
