too bad you live with your parents still
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
