Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
