we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
wow bdsm is so cute
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
