Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
