I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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