I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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