how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
