I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
