If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize