Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
