Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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