White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
