He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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