maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I looked at my own cervix.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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