ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
