I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
