The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
