I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
