They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
