i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
