I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
