8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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