dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
