his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
