No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
