So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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