Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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