Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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