i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
