I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
