If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
