He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
