My cat gives me a boner
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
