if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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