either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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