Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
