i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
