i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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