Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
