When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
