now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
