is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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