Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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