Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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