That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
