god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
