end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am available for nakedness
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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