She's the barista slut.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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