so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
