How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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