Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize