so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
