True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
