I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i think i just lost a toe
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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