omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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