I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
