i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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