I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
