benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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