If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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