I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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