My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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