Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Need sex. Gaining weight.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
