I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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