need another drink. this is the easiest way
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
